Hope in Hard Times - How to Talk About Race

Several recent events have served to heighten awareness as to the ongoing problem with race and racism in America. Among these are Supreme Court confirmation hearings of Justice Sonia Sotomayor; the arrest of Harvard University Professor Henry Louis Gates at his home in Cambridge, MA; and the recent debates surrounding President Barack Obama's efforts toward reforming our nation's healthcare system. During a recent visit to the Southern Poverty Law Center in Montgomery, AL (http://www.splcenter.org/), I and others on the visit were informed that there were over 800 hate related groups identified in 2008, and that this number is on the rise.

In these days it is important that we develop the capacity to talk about race and racism in ways that will lead toward healing among us. In a seminar titled Unlearning Racism, facilitator Lee Mun Wah provides participants with guidelines for initiating and engaging in healthy conversations around race. At the core of the seminar, Wah shares the belief that talking aboout race can lead to healthy listening skills, and that all parties need to be willing to listen to each other, not only with their ears, but their eyes – watching how information is received, and being willing to ask questions that come from genuine curiosity. Conversation becomes more than the cursory greeting, and while requiring more time, can move us past our stereotypes of each other, to understanding.

The following are Lee Mun Wah’s nine healthy ways to build healthy conversations around race:
1. Reflect back what is being said. Use their words, not yours.
2. Begin where they are, not where you want them to be.
3. Be curious and open to what the are trying to say.
4. Notice what they are saying and what they are not.
5. Emotionally relate to how they are feeling. Nurture the relationship.
6. Notice how you are feeling. Be honest and authentic.
7. Take responsibility for your part in the conflict or misunderstanding.
8. Try to understand how their past affects who they are and how those experiences affect their relationship with you.
9. Stay with the process and the relationship, not just the solution.

Lee Mun Wah is the founder of StirFry Seminars. For more information go to www.stirfryseminars.com.

(A part of this article is an adaptation of an article by Jeanene Jones in CORR Directions, a publication of the General Commission on Religion and Race of the UMC , June 2009, http://www.gcorr.org/.)